What Do You Fear?
“Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.” – Buddha
This quote just about floored me. I still mull it over in my head and think of instances where I made a choice based on fear, and how the consequences of those choices kept me from growth. Fear does have a place in life. Fear is meant to protect us from harm. Where fear prevents life, is when we habitually dwell on the worst that could happen, and live according to that scenario.
As you think of something you fear, stop and notice where you feel it in your body. Take a breath and really feel what fear does physically. For me it’s a chest tightening. For many it’s a bellyache, dizziness, or a sense that something horrible is going to happen. On an instinctual level, the body is preparing us to fight or flee. Google tells me that above heights, snakes, darkness, and disease, more people have social phobias than any other kind of fear.
Do you have a current fear? Maybe it’s around work or money or something else. Think about it and rate it on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the worst. Now, to contrast this current fear to the most awful fear you can imagine. For me, it’s losing a family member. If the awful fear of losing a loved one is a 10, then does that shift the current fear in everyday life? Does it make the number lower once it’s in perspective? Probably.
In Think Like A Monk, Jay Shetty writes that the reason we have fear is because we have attachments. Therefore, wouldn’t detachment be a reasonable cure for fear? A shift in perspective could provide a loosening of the hold of attachments. Everything we have is borrowed. Everything we have is temporary. Including but not limited to: family, home, car, belongings, toys, etc. When we cling to these temporary items, they have a hold and power over us. Our things control us rather than when we detach, and see everything as ours for a moment. Then we can truly experience gratitude for what we have that’s “borrowed.”
Shetty suggests we do an audit around what we fear losing. Both externals (people, things) and internals. Internals may include status, belonging, or reputation. And then we continually ask ourselves, “How can I become less attached to these things?” What does your instinct tell you? What happens when you view them as in your temporary custody?
When you think of the most worthwhile endeavors in life, fear often precedes the outcome. The birth of my kids was one of my proudest moments in my life. And what did I feel leading up to their births? Fear. Finishing graduate school was also a proud moment. What did I feel before enrolling? Fear. Getting married to Andy was also a beautiful memory in my life. The overriding emotion before walking down the aisle? Fear. Shetty says, “…what challenged you before the event was clearing the way for what you now celebrate, making you happier about it!” So, we can be grateful for the challenge that led us to the outcome.
The truth is that fear makes us suffer in our own imagination. Bob Proctor said, “Fear is choosing to believe something we cannot see. Faith is choosing to believe something we cannot see. Why don’t we always choose FAITH?” Amen to that, Bob!
When you find yourself in fear mode, get curious about it. Where did this fear come from? What is the truth about this fear? What am I really afraid of? Your fears may reveal a truth to you that you hadn’t considered before. Find ways to detach so that fear won’t debilitate you. Put your fears in perspective do defuse them of their power. And, whenever possible, choose FAITH above fear.
