Wanna Feel Good?
MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY
There are some life lessons that continue to show up until you truly learn that lesson. Making myself a priority is a lesson that is coming at me like a freight train in a tunnel. With a whistle blowing. And I’m strapped to the tracks. OK! I’M LISTENING!
It’s not a sign of weakness to seek out ways to know yourself, heal old wounds, and find a balance in life that doesn’t leave you feeling depleted. Guess what? Your longest relationship in your entire life is with yourself. Once you’ve learned to manage this relationship well, then you’ll be able to healthily manage your relationships with others.
In order to move forward in treating yourself like the queen you are, you may need to start by reflecting. Ask yourself these questions:
1. At the end of the workweek, how do I feel? Energized and excited? Or so drained you want to hide under the covers for 48 hours?
2. How do the people I interact with the most make me feel? Uplifted and empowered? Or stressed and piling on complaints?
3. What does the voice inside my head talk to me like? Like a strict, ruler-wielding nun at a Catholic school? Or like the grandparent who loved you so much they held and rocked you and told you how beautiful you are?
4. How do you and your partner speak about each other when the other is not around? Like they/you’re a deadbeat not pulling your weight? Or like they/you’re the most brilliant, kind, and creative person on earth?
5. What are your boundaries like? I say yes to anyone who asks me to drop my life and help them handle their drama? Or I can easily say “No, I can’t do that” without explanation and without any fear of their reaction?
Take inventory of these questions, and see where you need to make changes.
WORK
If you truly loathe the work you’re doing, start searching for an alternative. Life is too short to spend years doing what you dislike. If you love your job, but find it taking all your energy, try taking more frequent breaks during the workday. Go for a walk. Drink more water. Have healthy snacks on hand so you don’t make poor choices when you crash. Find a workspace with natural sunlight. Invest in a standing desk. Take walking meetings or calls. Give up coffee in the afternoon. Make certain you get 8 hours of sleep.
FRIENDSHIPS
Friendships can be simplified. People who add value and positivity to your life are forever friends. Remove the people from your life who bring you down. Those with worrying, negativity, and a penchant to complain about the direction of the wind can be culled. Less (friends) is always more when your less (friendships) mean more. Keep in close contact with those that help you grow, see the best in you, and encourage you on your dark days.
INNER VOICE
This may come as a surprise, but don’t shut down that negative voice. Instead, make friends with it. It’s telling you something. Get curious about what it’s telling you. If your inner voice chastises you for forgetting something or making a mistake, try and feel light-hearted about it and chuckle. Think, “When in the past has a care-giver or someone in authority spoken to me in this way?” And realize this voice may be “borrowed” from someone in the past. Choose to respond again to your mistake with a more loving voice, like you would a child you care deeply for. Practice.
PARTNERS
Only in the space of loving kindness can partners come together and gently speak about relationship issues. Do your best to shine a light on your partner’s best qualities rather than their shortcomings. Words are powerful. What you focus on will appreciate. A partnership can only be true with mutual love, respect, and support. You should feel safe enough to be honest about your insecurities, and open to working through difficulties together without shame. ALL relationships require WORK, communication, and deep understanding. Find a partnership that leaves you empowered, safe, and your best self.
BOUNDARIES
Having healthy boundaries is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself and for those around you. Unhealthy boundaries leave you open to resentment. And it is no one’s fault but your own. Practice saying “No, I can’t do that” without explanation. Ask your partner to role play with you. Know your personal limits. Keep practicing. Be assertive. And if all else fails, it could be one of those unhealthy relationships you need to cut from your life.
Finally, make your feelings a priority. What makes you feel good? Create a JOY list! A friend told me to do this years ago, and I keep it where I can see it to check in that I’m cultivating joy in my life by doing the things I love that are on my list.
Some ideas:
Put on your favorite playlist and dance
Go jump in the water (naked!)
Watch your favorite film
Cook your favorite dish (or order it!)
Look at your favorite photos
Play a game you enjoy
Do something that makes you laugh
Have sex (naked!)
Call your bestie
Plan your next vacation (naked?!)
You get the idea, but do things that put you in a place of feeling the emotions you WANT to feel. Because what you feel, you attract more of. Enjoy the process, friend. You totally deserve it! Simply because you exist.
