The Lie of Beauty and Youth PLUS: 7 Steps to Fight the Beauty Myth

Dr. Shefali Tsabary has a new book coming out called, “Radical Awakening.” In this book she covers many of the lies that we believe. As she was interviewed on a podcast I heard recently, I fell in love with her message around the lies women believe about youth and beauty. Much of what is written here are Dr. Shefali’s ideas around the fight against the lie of youth and beauty.

The lie begins with our need to be beautiful in a particular way, and the need to be eternally young.

Society has done a number on us, and we are buying the heck out of what culture is selling us.

Women whip ourselves when we look in the mirror. Truthfully, we are doing this to ourselves. While creation has dictated that women ARE objects of beauty, we have deeply internalized it as our inherent value. Culture has told us, repeatedly, we can only be desirable if we look a certain way. The standard is white, thin, smooth all over, with flowing locks. And the sad news is that we have bought this lie, repeatedly, from a multi-billion dollar beauty industry. It is a tough battle to lay down our lipstick and walk away.

When you look in the mirror, what do you say to yourself? Do you stand and suffer in front of the mirror like I do? Women everywhere do this. And who gains from our struggle and plight around beauty? Men. Not women. By oppressing ourselves under these insane ideas of perfectionism, we give our power to the patriarchy that we complain about. For the most part, every woman wants to look her best. No woman is truly immune to this system. But we need to keep a keen eye on it. We need to watch how far we will go to reach for these idealized beauty standards. That voice inside that tells me, “Dodi, let’s save up for some Botox” is my internal oppressor. I have to be the one to talk back to the inner voice and tell her, “Wrinkles are natural. They are good. It’s a part of living. You are beautiful with them. Why do you want to look 20 instead of 46? Accept it. You are beautiful now.”

How do we break out?

It takes ALL women, to fight the systemic patriarchy that’s dictating these beauty standards. We stop with the makeup, the injections, the surgeries, the [insert your beauty vice here.] The more the technology makes this easier to attain, the more women must rise above the subjugation. Women must rise together. When even one of us keep us with this high standard, the rest of us feel badly about ourselves. As we compete, we do not stand together as sisters, and we give all the power to the patriarchy. We hand over our power to the men by competing with each other. We need to help men get used to the ideas of women aging. We all get wrinkles. Our boobs sag. Our bodies get more dimpled. We are not perfect. The more we feed into the idea of “perfection” the more we feed into the patriarchy. By trying to change, we actually perpetuate the cycle of insecurity. It’s never enough. We think that fillers might make us more secure- but what we are attempting to fill is the void of unworthiness that can never be filled by injections.

Naomi Wolf wrote “The Beauty Myth” and suggests these 7 steps to fight the beauty myth and reclaim your confidence:

1.     Pursue pleasure in beauty. Write down what you like doing to look and feel your best, and what you won’t do for beauty.

2.     Nourish your soul. Focus on growing your non-physical traits, talents, hobbies and deepening your spiritual growth.

3.     Focus on individuality. See yourself as multi-faceted with no need to compete.

4.     Avoid mass media. Fill your brain and feeds with intelligent women with interesting things to say. Seek out all sizes, backgrounds, and shapes to view.

5.     Edit your negative beliefs around self-image. Affirmations and mirror work help to reprogram your subconscious with positivity.

6.     Find female allies. Women’s retreats, workouts, and other spaces where women support and teach women can help us grow together.

7.     Invest in yourself. Wolf said, “The woman wins who calls herself beautiful and challenges the world to change to truly see her.” Invest in your own growth and passions.

Do not rush to mutate yourself. It denies who you are right now. We don’t have to be ashamed of age nor wrinkles. Embrace the sagginess, the wrinkles, the cellulite. All of it. Stop making ourselves perfect for men, our partners. Perfectionism is an ideal. Stop pretending. Stop reaching. Relax. Be.

This is not to say don’t dress up or wear makeup if it makes you feel your best. Simply watch how far you will go. Give yourself permission to be just as you are. Observe how you speak to yourself. Remember, you are worthy. You are enough. You are beautiful just the way you are!