Fear of Failure

My husband Andy and I recently sat down to meet with our new financial coach. We had done the workbook, drilling down on questions like:

“What is your ideal day? Week? Month? Year?”

“What core values drive your identity?”

“What activities are most important to you?”

Within minutes of our online introduction, she got to the meat and potatoes. She asked, “How much did you guys make last year?”

Andy knew his answer down to the penny.

Me? With a doe-eyed stare I answered, “Um, this question wasn’t in the workbook.” Sniff, sniff.

As I debriefed my visceral reaction with my bestie, she helped me get (non-judgmentally) curious about my response. I told her, “Truthfully, I think that looking at the hard numbers reflects what I feel is failure. I just thought I’d be making a lot more by now.”

Oh snap! The F-word.

Reverend Doctor Andy McHusband recently wrote a sermon about failure, and it hit home. Some of the key points follow.

According to a 2015 study, 1 in 3 Americans fear failure. Ninety percent of CEO’s say that failure keeps them up at night.

The fear of failure often stems from a fear of experiencing shame or embarrassment. Failing can trigger feelings of worthlessness, so avoiding trying in the first place can sometimes serve as a way to protect the self from disappointment, regret, and sadness.

The flip side: failure creates opportunities for change. Through examination of failure, we can discover new avenues to success. Embracing failure to succeed, is a MUST.

When it comes to failure, consider:

1. Failure is unavoidable.

Failure is like a bad haircut; it's going to happen. We spend most of our lives treating failure as the enemy. Schools and companies praise high achievers; as a result, these people receive rewards and accolades. But failure is part of everyone's story. Embracing failure allows for a culture that’s more willing to take risks, re-evaluate, and rethink ways of operating.

2.     Failure is an essential component of success.

Failure is a building block for success. Therefore, we must view our failures as learning points to move our stories forward. When we encounter setbacks, ask this critical question, "What can I learn from this experience?" As we ask this difficult question, make a different choice. Instead of running from failure, become curious about your failure but do not allow failure to become the defining characteristic of your experience.

3.     Failure is not the end of the story.

Failure is a reality of life. If you are living, you will fail. And failure hurts; we don't like it. The greatest baseball players of all-time fail almost 70% of the time at bat. Imagine telling your new employer you will fail 70% of the time! Hank Aaron followed this path and is considered one of the greatest baseball players of all time.

Failure hurts, but it does not define our life. In fact, failure is transformative if we reap the knowledge failure may teach. Some of the best lessons in life come through failure. Learning almost anything new, you’re going to have some failure before you feel successful.

Remember this:

Failure builds character.

Failure teaches humility.

Failure fosters compassion.

We are praised for success but transformed through failure.

Take time to examine your failures. Embrace failing. Congratulate yourself when you fail. It means you’re one step closer to success!